Hi Kids! It's me, Fintan O'Toole, and I'm here to help you make decisions about not drinking until you're old enough to make a responsible decision about it, like Brendan Comiskey or Paul Merson. We've divided "It's YOUR Liver" into three handy-to-read sections for your enjoyment:

D'Real Deal
Telling the facts like they are, using real-life situations that are likely to happen. Click here for more....

Words of the wee-d upon
This is a very special section, devoted to hearing the voices of the people who suffer most from beer-binging - the kids. We hope to bring you many examples of genuine poetry by genuine victims of the booze culture - affecting words from affected kids. For now, please read and consider silently these lines from little Robert Dolan (only nineteen) whose father came home drunk one night and tried to cook rashers on his head without asking.

My Frying Pan Head

Why am I so special, then
As to have for a parent a man
Who, boozed up on ale and Guinness
Uses my head as a frying-pan

He blundered in all smelly-red
Unpeeled the Denny pack
Then placed five rashers on my crown
As grease ran down my back

They didn't cook, surprisingly
Though it took him hours to see
That it wasn't a griddle on a stove
He shoved, but his son, I, me!

If you've got any poems, be sure to send them in to the usual address!

Fun on the Wagon
This section is all about the alternatives to drink. Here's some tips to help you make your way in your new, un-langered lifestyle:
- Bored? Try taking up a harder drug, like heroin
- Look cool in night-clubs by drinking fashionable non-alcoholic cocktails like 'Holding Hands on the Beach', 'Schooldriver' or 'The Friendly Russian'
- Keep your hands busy by wanking more
- You're going to need some new friends, so try striking up relationships with people who can't get away, like babies or the comatose.

Good luck everyone!