Gelatinous McAnimate's Social Diary

Welcome, one and all. This is certainly an auspicious occasion: the debut of my very own Social Diary, which I hope will chronicle the lifestlyles of the rich and insecure with something like the same stlye that Hello! manages, (though obviously without the photo exlcusives - the budget doesn't stretch that far). So, read on as I spill the guts of the Celtic Tiger's seedy, dazzling underbelly!

With the Ranelagh Bump'n'Grind Festival in full swing last Tuesday, my old mate Charlie "The Knacker" Jones and his friend Oggy were over from Hull to groove away to the sounds of G. Roche and the Sex in Hooters Jazz Club.

Afterwards, I had lunch near that tired old slapper Gina T. yesterday and I swear to God, she was giving me the eye.

Oh, and Elmore Casington, Beatrice Fucklemore, Joan Sodomite and her (fourth) husband Gary Axe were in Jillie's Brothello needling the funky grandpa, so there.

In sport, all the stars were out on Wednesday at the 19th annual Leon Trotsky Memorial hurling tournament, staged at the new 80,000 capacity Pairc Ui Pleuracy in Ballydehob, with Knocknabridge Palsies triumphing, 13-2 to Maffin Quaaludes' eleven points.

Thursday: Had a quiet lunch with Miffa Fiveknockers, manager of fab boyband Oooooh! on Wednesday, in the sober, understated environs of Club Spliff. Miffa confided to me that the boys will soon be embarking on a triumphant county-wide tour to celebrate the success of their latest single 'We like you', and he thinks that they are not far from the big-time; "Once we get on to the 'Beat on the Street' we're unstoppable", he whispered.

How can I sign off without relating the story of my encounter - mid-siopadoireacht at McAnimate boutique-of -choice, Harvey Nitrogen's - with the divine Minister for Fisheries, Claire Synth-Moog? I complemented her on her expert handling of the recent cats-masquerading-as-fish-to-get-into-fish-farms furor. La Synth-Moog replied, brilliantly, that it was as simple as closing a dog with a broomstick! With such wit in the corridors of power, what wonder is it that that our bonny isle is the place-to-be of 2000?

Well that's all for now, chickadoodles! Who knows what raddy-cool adventures we will all have between now and my next column? One thing is for sure: mine will be more interesting, and you'll be able to read all about them in the Evil Gerald!


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