"Thanks, IRA!", say Ulster's Catholics
-30 years of steadfast defence from Brits 'really appreciated'
The 600,000 Catholics of Northern Ireland this afternoon paid grateful tribute to their staunch defenders through thirty years of constant British attacks, the IRA.
"Without the IRA, we'd have been massacred by the evil Protestants and the British army for sure", said community leader Brian O'Horan, adding "If it wasn't for their brave refusal to give up exploding pubs, massacring children and shooting policemen in the back, the Catholics of Northern Ireland would be an isolated and powerless group indeed."
Many present spoke of their memories of occasions on which the IRA had acted fast to defuse potentially Catholic-endangering situations. "I remember one time there was a Protestant family in this neighbourhood," said Clara Downey, a local pensioner, "and we were all very frightened. But the IRA stepped in and, fair play to them, they firebombed the place until the Prods had to go. If they hadn't done that sure the situation might have got out of control".
Catholics added that as long as the British Crown continued to plot against the children of Eireann, they would always need the brave hooded men of the IRA to plant car bombs, intimidate businesses and shoot the knees off drug dealers.