Check out the meter on that!

As part of our continuing commitment to supporting the arts and all that, the Evil Gerald is proud and delighted to present this brand-new poem by that enchanting, magical, etc. poet Seamus Wheezy (pictured above).

Hopefully it'll be a rare ray of cultural sunshine for most of you, and might even help to drag in some of those middle-class readers our advertisers are dying for. Ooops, did I type that out loud?

'O cowpat', by Seamus Wheezy

In these days of guns
and bread
you extracted your tithe
of love, bluebelled
Baghdad musk disguis'd
qua decindum lumpo, eh?
I used your shovel and the
mother-yoke to stir the hay
Ah, how we laughed
as the blep-blep ting
of shivering spring
kissed hillsides that we sat
and sang our hymns for this
oleaginous, lonely cowpat