Amazing film extravanzer!


It's hold on to your eyeballs time as we give you the low-down on all the latest movie releases, your guide our film critic Bevan Faye.

Bevan Faye

Hi folks. Come with me (Bevan Faye) as I give you the low-down on all the latest movie releases. It's hold on to your eyeballs time!


Earnest Stares Into the Abyss
A bit of a 'think-piece', this. Already being tipped for Oscar glory, the late Jim Varney took a radical turn away from his usual style of film-acting, going instead for a moody, dark, introspective film. In which he plays a man who is frightened when he realizes he is existentially alone, essentially. I dare you not to cry warm tears of sadness as he confronts his own unutterable loneliness! And Jennifer Lopez as the psychiatric love-interest will have them rutting in the aisles. A definite "Go-see" for smart people, with a "Maybe" for the kids and a cautious "Hmmm" for early school-leavers. 7/10
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Michael Flatley's "Jaysus!"
Michael Flatley wowed us in Riverdance and goshed us with Lord of the Dance. So it's great to see that he is just as gripping and odd up there on the big screen they call the 'wall of magic'. The flat-ley makes a dance-tastic Lord of Hosts in this, a film. Fans of God will no doubt thrill to his Dancing Jesus, hip-hopping in baggy trousers across the Holy Land trying to spread the funk before the Romans spread his arms. And watch out especially for the early donkey-out-of Egypt chase-scene set to "The Ballad of Joseph and Mary". What a triumph for the already-successful Flatley. A tour de force. 9/10


Red Instinct
Do I smell "hackneyed"? Yes I think I do. Who did maverick European Milos Forman think he was going to be kidding with this laboured, trite, uncompelling trudge through a sordid episode in history's past? I mean, the chemistry between Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez is just not there, but that's not the least of the movie's worries. For one thing, it goes on and on, and many of the scenes just involve people talking! Everyone else seems to love it to bits, but not me. I guess that's just what you get for being an uncompromising cricket who refuses to stand behind his principles but wears them on his sleeve instead. 1/10
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Lethal Tender: The George Redmond story
Coming from the 'Mother of Jaysus' school of filmmaking, the life story of George Redmond was never going to be a masterpiece, but holy shit! I never thought an ending could be so obvious. The Director simply failed to procure enough money to make the story believable. I mean, he tried his best, but the end sequence was way underfunded, with a budget of only 7,500 out of a possible 750,000. Typical Supreme Court ending. Frankly, I feel soiled.
Irish films are great, though. And I'm not just saying that because I'm friends with
most of the directors. No. It's the junkets that hook me. I mean, just look at 'Waking Ned' - a masterpiece. Don't dare say a word against them. I don't. I like Cannes. Lots of naked women on the beaches. And the porn Cannes as well. Mmm, 'Canned Porn'. Good name for a film, that. Must write down and maybe Neil will film it. He never does though. Must try harder. Must try harder. Must tr...
Yeah, never mind what I said in the first paragraph there. The film was brilliant. Go and see it. Your junket needs you. I mean your country needs you. 12/10