Ireland offers dozen ripe virgins to Clinton

The Clinton presidency may be over, but the people of Ireland have not forgotten all the hard work he put in for our country, raising the profile of Ballybunion golf, recommending the Corrs to the other leaders of the G8, and of course pitching in with the peace talks.

For a long time, the government has tried to come up with an appropriate gift that would represent both Ireland's historic past and her present aspirations, as well as appealing to Clinton's effervescent personality.So it was with great pleasure yesterday that Taoiseach Bertie Ahern revealed the plan to hand over twelve of our ripest, most bountiful young virgins to Clinton for his own personal use.

In a moving ceremony outside Aras an Uachtarain, the dozen comely young maidens were unveiled before a surprised and delighted Clinton, who had been invited to Ireland under the pretext that "there might be a breakthrough in the negotiations in the North"(!).

"How did you know?", cried a visibly moved Clinton, wiping tears from his eyes and pushing onlookers out of the way. "It's just what I've always wanted".

"There's more where they came from, Billy", said a magnanimous Ahern. "Just say the word".


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