Young Scientist Proves Guinness NOT 'Good for You'

Paul Roberts (17), from Ard Scoil Ris, Donnycarney, yesterday won the Young Scientist of the Year Award at the RDS. His project, entitled "Guinness NOT good for you", showed the glaring inaccuracy of the advertising slogan, and now discredited popular myth, that Guinness is good for you.

Paul researched his project by feeding himself nothing but 12 pints of Guinness a day for two months. His brother, the 'control' for the project, was fed three square meals a day and lots of Sunny Delight.

The shock findings were as follows: Paul suffered confused thoughts, dry mouth, nausea, dizziness, the inability to walk or talk, and what he describes as "funniness" in the toilet each morning.

His brother, however, experienced no such side effects, and even managed a B in maths during his mock Leaving Cert - a first for Jimmy.

Paul's findings have throuwn the brewing industry into disarray. From the alcohol-poisoning treatment center where he accepted the award, he told reporters "I'm made up. I now know that Guinness is NOT Good For You. I can't wait for next year's competition, where I hope to prove that a Finger of Fudge is NOT 'just enough'.