News in brief...

Robot Wars slammed
-Defames actual Sir Killalot, say lawyers

London - The popular television series 'Robot Wars' has been hit by a lawsuit by a miffed British aristocratic family, who claim that it unfairly damages the reputation of their ancestor, the 17th-century knight Sir Killalot of Haverbrooke. "In reality, Sir Killalot was a benevolent lord, dedicated to improving the lot of the peasants who worked on his land, and is also credited with pushing through much-needed reform of the feudal land system", says his direct descendant Rodney White, of Luton. "But this TV series seems to present him as some sort of bloodthirsty, maniacal, unstoppable killer robot machine [above]. That's just unfair".

Concern grows for missing dead girl
-Deceased child last seen playing with friends

Bourdeaux - Local people are becoming increasingly worried as to the fate of a dead girl who went missing Wednesday last. The child, later murdered by a family member, was last seen playing with friends in a field close by her home. Police are asking anyone who might have seen her body trying to hitch a lift at a roadside later that afternoon to come forward.

Anarchists plan massive day of action, weather permitting.
Dublin - Mainstream society had better watch out, if sources in the local anarchist community are to be believed. Direct-action factions are said to be planning an 'enormous' day of action next time there's some nice weather, including various 'happenings' in city parks, trips to McDonald's, and ice-cream eating workshops on College Green. However, if the present unclement weather persists, the oppressively square consensus-reality system will probably survive a little longer.

Phone Phails Phunk pH
Foxrock - "What do you think I am, a banker or something?!!", exclaimed 15 year-old José Byrne from Foxrock in Dublin, when his mother, Persophone, presented him with a leopard skin pattern Siemens 320 mobile phone on his birthday day.
Weighing up his chances of wheedling more Crimbo goodies from his doting mother, José opted for his now-familiar, patented hissy fit.
"I mean Oh my Gawd, as if the voucher for Dunne's wasn't bad enough, this is just the last straw. I want a divorce!" screamed José, fighting back tears and causing his mother to wonder why she ever had kids. She should never have given up art school for Frank.
"I mean this phone is no way near kitschy enough," continued a mewling Jose until his mother caved in like a frock, promising him a radio controlled car by, at the latest, Stephen's Day. José then called his mother a stupid cow and asked her if she thought he was in fact four years old.
Agreement was reached through the bathroom door when Persephone guaranteed José a palmtop computer with naked ladies on the outside by at the latest December 31st. José was then allowed to drink one can of beer and smoke two of his mother's Marlboro Lights 100's cigarettes

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