Look at Mel Gibson's ears
Look at Mel Gibson's ears. They're all weird like a leprechaun's, or a mad leather troll. I'm surprised he lets himself out in public, let alone on the big screen, with dodgy ears like that. He must be very brave. Fair play, I say, and what a great example to be setting to the young, for whom bad ears are an increasing problem that seems to be on the rise, if the latest studies are to be believed.

Remember when there used to be stuff?
I don't know about you (my readers love to surprise me, as always) but I miss all the things that are gone. Remember wooden rulers, transistors and proper roller-skates? I do. And don't get me started on the old-style shoes.

The new radio shows are terrible
I looked at the RTE guide there today and what do you know, only all the stuff on the radio now is shite? I'm not lying, it's true. First of all you've got 'Considered Belief' which is this new show where they 'examine' every man-jack 'faith' there is out there in Bungo-Bungoland, and all of them are just fine and you're not even allowed say that Jesus is better and that's that. And the gardening is all my eye nowadays, with boy-bands installing water features or Mary Harney wondering whether to go with terracotta or sandstone. Bollocks.

I just shot the first swallow of the summer
It was out by the canal last Sunday. It was a magnificent morning, and I was overjoyed to hear the lovely song of the swallow, followed by the bird itself landing on the bench across from me to peck at a homeless man. I was filled with an appreciation for nature's wonders as I quietly loaded my shotgun, brought the sight up to my eye, and dispatched both barrel-loads into the great beast's side. Marvellous.

Home     Back issues     Breaking news     Story archives     About