Lowry "forgot" about pocket money

Guinness anger at low levels of underage drinking

The Provo Portal: Musical memories

This week's arts critic: Karl Marx

Nutritional Update

The Evil Gerald Awards for Excellence in the media

RTE announces new schedule for 2002

Renegade Catholics "will clone Jesus"

News in Brief: Bertie can't, Ireland v Iran = Good v Evil and something about GAA

"Divorcing Jack with a zany twist!" (Uncut)


RTE 2002 schedule

With RTE facing an estimated £25m budget cut next year, top executives are preparing to tighten their pursestrings. Unabashed, the television programming department has released a list of programmes currently in production for 2002, as well as some exciting new changes that the license payer can look forward to in the coming months.

- 'MealTime': a gritty new reality show set in the RTE canteen. See the fireworks that explode when newsreaders and key grips get together in the same room. What happens when Gay Byrne's bottle is slightly below room temperature?

- Instead of the proposed coverage of the All-Ireland hurling and football competitions, brace yourselves for the National Sheep-Drenching Championships from Tullamore

- Out: Sharon Ní Bheoláin. In: Twink

Why not?

- Promising new comedy 'Bachelor's Walk' passed over in favour of new production, 'Burgh Quay', featuring security camera footage of John Burgh, an apprentice keycutter working in the ILAC Centre branch of Mister Minit.

- 'Ryle Nugent's Stock Footage-O-Rama'!

- Buttons on the remote control for RTE 1 and Network 2 no longer work.

- Budget restrictions will mean the 'Late Late Show' producers can now only afford a vapid, self-important and uncharismatic host.

- Every hour of programming will now begin with Sean Lemass's speech to the nation from the opening of the station in 1961.

- In an earnest attempt to recapture some of the innocence and spirit of the Catholic Ireland of old, 'the Angelus' will now last for an hour.

- 'The Kurdish FA Premiership'

- TV License Inspector will in future be armed

If you have a television, you goddamn
better have a television license




    Back issues     Breaking news     Story archives     About