Appleton sisters' shocking autobiography

John Waters: The Horrors of Feminised Childbirth

Ireland's Dead Rise Up, Curse McCarthy

Bevan Faye's Film Extravanzer

Duncan Stewart in Afghanistan

US drops informative leaflets over Afghanistan

Oh no, not another dinner invitation from the Chomskys

Celebrities announce sham engagement

News in Brief: Israel remembers slaughtered minister, FF's Ard Fheis report and how Harry Corry is changing NI society

Evil Gerald Sponsors:
Anthrax Information



John Waters: The horrors of feminised childbirth

Furthermore to my comments some weeks ago regarding female hegemony in the classroom, it occurs to me that perhaps child-bearing is even more outrageous and disgusting an example than child-rearing.

A foetus is conceived, gestated and nourished only by its mother - the father is locked out, rejected. In a world of sex-changes and pregnancies at sixty, I do not see why this shocking state of affairs should be permitted to continue. Why cannot a man be implanted with an artificial womb - or one donated from a woman?

Cosmetic surgery having attained the level it has, a man's anal cavity could easily be altered to accommodate the passage of a child. An embryo fertilised in vitro could be placed in the womb, and Father Nature could take its course. I for one would be proud to accomplish the greatest achievement of my life (for I contend that such is childbirth) in this fashion. A father could then be as close to his child as only the mother is yet permitted to be. It seems impractical for couples to "swap" the foetus every few months, so I propose that the matter be divided along gender lines, men bearing boys and women bearing girls.

Feminists (if one were being frivolous, it could be suggested that this is short for "female chauvinists") will, no doubt, be aghast at this idea. And well they might. For it could at a stroke end the female domination of children that has marred and crippled the progress of humanity since time immemorial. Feminists fear true equality. They understand that perhaps this is the keystone to liberating male children from their pernicious clutches.

Of course, the way boys are brought into the world would be changed forever. I myself would have my son's skull cracked open upon birth (a painless procedure, and young bones heal quickly) so that the brain could be weighed, thereby determining irrevocably his potential for academic excellence. Foreknowledge of this would be a great advantage.

I hope some enterprising medical expert will read this, and look into the matter, for it could be the breakthrough fathers everywhere are desperately waiting for.

How do you like that, eh Sinead? Eh?




    Back issues     Breaking news     Story archives     About