in this issue:
Beleaguered Mayo TD Beverly Cooper-Flynn has revealed exclusively to the Evil Gerald how a tragic breakdown in communication between her and her legal advisor, ragga star Shaggy, led to the failure of her libel case.
"Shaggy came with good recommendations from Albert Reynolds and Charles Haughey, so I had no reason to doubt his credentials," confided an emotional Cooper-Flynn. She then described her first and only consultation with him.
"I hopped out of Daddy'[politician and idiot P. Flynn]s Hiace and ran up the driveway. I was quite agitated at this stage, so I rang his little video-doorbell thingy and explained my situation briefly. He told me straight out what I was to do - for which I remain grateful, despite all that has happened since."
And the advice from Mr. Boombastic?
"He told me to say it wasn't me. I was with him all the way on that one, so I sat down with him in his consultation office." But that's just where things started to go wrong for the Mayo deputy.
"I went through a list of my alleged crimes, and fair enough, he advised me to stick pretty much with the 'it wasn't me' thing. He also said that 'To be a true player you must know how to play', which struck me as very wise".
"But when I pressed him for more detail, he started telling me to get new glasses and say I was gay or something. He just wasn't speaking my language anymore."
Not even that of a cute hoor like Cooper-Flynn? "Nope. It was complete gibberish. He finally offered to help me evade the pursuit of three beautiful women, but Daddy was waiting in the Hiace, so I made my excuses."
When we questioned him over the breakup of his professional relationsip with Bev, Shaggy just said "You should see her make da gigolo flex".