The Evil Gerald - D-commerce boom attracts thousands

Also in this issue:

Shaggy advises Bev: "Say it wasn't you"

D-commerce boom attracts thousands

Men await new skincare products, mental anguish

Dalai Lama 'kicks ass'

Socialist worker party closes down world bank

Fianna Fail passes that bill

I'm not a person, I'm a top creative

Vigilante sheep groups on rampage throughout land

News in brief - Ronan's new body; Statistics questioned by statistics; S Drugs 7 slammed; Murderous rage ebbs

D-commerce specialists queuing to collect their pay

Boom! Skilled IT workers and other nerds are flocking to the fastest-growing sector of the Irish 'New Economy' -
'd-commerce', or, more prosaically, the dole.

Until recently a limited field, d-commerce has taken off in the last six months, with workers from failed dot.coms, hare-brained telcos and (especially) Eircom white elephants making the switch.

Says d-commerce pioneer Sandra Logan, of the local Social Welfare office in Blanchardstown: "We've never seen anything like it. People are switching onto d-commerce in droves. The way the economy is going, it's the wave of the future!".

Many in d-commerce are already speaking of diversifying into 'n[ixer]-commerce', 'c[rime]-commerce', or just 'a[ny]-commerce'.