Also in this issue:

Shaggy advises Bev: "Say it wasn't you"

D-commerce boom attracts thousands

Men await new skincare products, mental anguish

Dalai Lama 'kicks ass'

Socialist worker party closes down world bank

Fianna Fail passes that bill

I'm not a person, I'm a top creative

Vigilante sheep groups on rampage throughout land

News in brief - Ronan's new body; Statistics questioned by statistics; S Drugs 7 slammed; Murderous rage ebbs


-New products also promise mental torment and anguish
The explosion in the male grooming market is set to provide a fresh, new and exciting source of misery to Ireland's mollycoddled adolescent males. The value of the market has tripled in recent years to almost IR$1bn, bringing with it a host of new insecurities for males 13 - 24.

Since the male clothing market reached full expansion in late 1998, retailers have been desperately seeking new ways to feed into male insecurity and turn it into cash. While most people recognise the phenomenon in females, males have so far escaped indoctrination - at least as far as the lucrative grooming market is concerned.

Thecla Cragashe of Morton Witter & Reindeer told the Evil Gerald why this was so. "The approach obviously has to be different, or we risk jeopardising our obscenely profitable 'being like a girl makes you a faggot' tack. It calls for a considerable amount of coercion, emotional blackmail and of course, blatant lying. Luckily, we're the experts on all three."

The problem according to experts lies in the basic male set-up. With no handbags, make-up and precious few hair accessories, males are in essence low-maintenance - and that's bad news for those who want their money. According to Cragashe, it will require "a healthy attitude shift on society's part. We've asked for society's help making a buck here, and apparently they're with us all the way".

With young males a high-risk suicide category, the race is now on to help them convert their emotional inadequacies into a range of over-priced skincare products, before it's too late.

Clinique's eye-catching new campaign targets an otherwise pointless demographic: young men

Now cosmetics industry insiders are determined that young men, already tormented by sexual guilt, acne-angst and fear of an unknown, omnipresent bogeyman, can now look forward the acute torture of advertisments promising "fresh, glowing skin", and "an end to unsightly facial hair - forever!".

A spokesman for young men just shrugged helplessly and moped around looking for something to smash.



    Back issues     Breaking news     Story archives     About