either really sound or totally false
to replace holy water with kombucha
denies regretting forgetting Arms Crisis actions
'back from the brink'
slams Angelus blast.... Pub conversation just like something out of Seinfeld...
Guy still ashamed of failed e-mail chain-letter
Test your Bertie Bowl knowledge
Morrison partly to blame
Gelatinous McAnimate, Social Diarist
Funghi is sitting beside me in the Berkeley Court Hotel, sipping an Evian
and preparing to tell me his shocking story. It's a difficult tale for
him to relate, and one that he knows may upset his many fans, but he agrees
it has to be told. There are a lot of things about this story that you
might not want to believe. All of them are really true.
Back in 1996, Funghi's star was still in the ascent. He had been praised
by Kerry Gardai for his help in intercepting boats laden with heroin,
which smugglers were attempting to bring up the Irish coast from Spain.
"Operation Flipper" was a huge success, but behind the smiles
and hefty cheques from an Garda Siochana, there lay a delphine tragedy.
Unbeknownst to the sharp-eyed and vigilant Kerry Gardai, Funghi had begun
siphoning off large chunks of their mutual hauls and was soon burdened
with a crippling skag addiction. He calls it "an experiment that
got out of control. There was nothing I wouldn't do for H. I did somersaults
in the air to attract the attention of the smugglers. I swam beside their
boat and sang. I - God help me! - I even balanced beachballs on my nose".
a shameful confession. But Funghi is quick to turn to the bright side
of the story. And that's just where musical hero Van Morisson comes in.
"Van came down to see me last summer, and I can tell you now, he
was appalled. We had always been close friends and he gave me the kick
up the blowhole back into the studio that I desperately needed."
The result? A brand new album, "Flippin' Fantastic - A Dolphin's
Cry". It is, he says, about his cry for help, a cry that surprisingly
went unheard given that it is more of a high-pitched ululating screech.
track and sure-fire hit single is "Sense of Porpoise", a haunting
melody laced with oceanic vibes and plaintive snorting. "Actually,
at that stage (of the recording) I had just popped out for a quick leak.
The boys kept the tape running, and when we played it back, we realised
we were on to something big."
optimistic and 'up for it', Funghi (pictured above) will join Van Morisson
on stage at the Belfast Limelight in June, where the pair will duet on
Dionne Warwick's 80's classic "That's What Friends Are For".
All proceeds from the charity event will go to supporting Irish dolphins
recovering from heroin addiction. "That's me" concludes the
chart-bound sea mammal happily.