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Quiz: Test your Bertie Bowl knowledge


Yes, it's time your test your knowledge if any of the brand-new, as-yet-nonexistent sports stadium (artist's impression, left) that's got everybody talking!

Answer the following multiple choice questions to find out how closely you've been following whatever we've been spoon-feeding your feeble mind on the subject....

Q1. As Ireland's new seat of sporting power the Bertie Bowl will:
      A. Freeze the arse off of opposition and government spokeshumans faster than a February morning's training session for Kilmacud Crokes,
      B. Usher in a golden age of Irish sportsmanship in which GAA is consigned to the dustbin of history and Bohs beat Manchester United in the final of the Champions League in the affectionately titled Bertie Bowl in 2009, with patron and former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern looking proudly upon his brainchild and receiveing a standing ovation from the 100,000- strong crowd, while the worldwide media coverage secures Ireland`s first ever Olympic games in 2016, or
      C. Become little more than a large skip for builders` rubble from the demolition of the Ballymun Towers with large a toxic incinerator thrown in for good measure where amongst other things will be burnt the shitty nappies of experimental genetically-scientized monkeys bred in an attempt to create an Irish sporting master race.

Q2. The Bertie Bowl will mostly be built with
      A. Hay, sellotape and Lego,
      B. The taxes of people who will never get to enter the stadium because all the tickets will be allocated in huge blocks to disinterested corporate backers who fail to show up leaving it empty of even the lack of atmosphere they would have provided, or
      C. The knowledge that we wouldn`t actually need to spend this 1.5 billion pounds if only the government wasn`t so afraid of losing votes that it forced the GAA to open its stadia (which were built with state money anyway) to other sports.

Q3. Despite having a state-of-the-art sporting facility in the Bertie Bowl most Irelanders will
      A. watch the games on the telly, complete with erudite commentary from the late Jimmy Magee and Frank 'Frank' Stapleton,
      B. Watch reruns of Friends instead, or
      C. still only care when Manchester United, Liverpool or Celtic are playing or the World Cup is on, with only a vague notion of the rules of rugby when that is played but gives a shite anyway cos rugby is going to be outlawed soon what with foot and mouth and the new human rights law they're going to be bringing in if the news these days is anything to be going by.

Time to tot up your scores! If you answered mostly (A) you are a native of Lusk. If you answered mostly (B)[the third option] you are currently working as a property developer and becoming a millionaire by charging exhorbitant rents to students and single mothers on the dole. If you answered mostly (C) You are Bertie Ahern. If you answered mostly "The situation in the North" you are doing the wrong quiz. If you are still reading this you need a check-up.



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