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I don't know what to wear to this anti-globalisation march
Temple Bar and Dun Laoghaire. A review by Gelatinous McAnimate,
million dead Chinese cant be wrong, and now everybodys favourite
Chairman of the board has not one, but two trendy eateries in which
to wine and dine the people.
The décor is garish, Warhol-esque, reminding us once again that
genocide is not just a full-time job, it can be fun too!
meal got off to a good start with a Revolutionary salad, which came with
a veritable Red Army Faction of dips and sauces, beautifully presented
on a bed of cold, damp tiles. The eggs for the mayonnaise are stirred
and ruthlessly beaten every fifteen minutes, and I, for one, was forced
to confess to the efficacy of this treatment. The boiled crab-meat soup
alone would have made me sign anything. And I did: I am now, by my own
admission, an enemy of the Chinese People and scheduled to be executed
tomorrow. And after eating in Mao, the last wish of this condemned man
is that he not obstruct the gustatory march of Mao to glory! Now wheres
The local party chairman of Mao in Dun Laoghaire told me We are
here to provide four Tianemen Square meals a day to anybody who wants
them". His noodle cooks say he is an absolute despot in the kitchen:You
dont dare question the crispiness of this mans duck. He is
a terror behind that stove. So much as look at him wrong and youre
in his Little Red Book. The next thing you know youre kneeling in
a soccer stadium, with a gun at the back of your head, with 200 other
waiters and short-order cooks renouncing yourself as a pasta-munching,
escargot-loving enemy of the revolution.
had the lamb with Ho Chi Mint sauce, but if you are digging for something
a little more down-to-earth, why not try the Mass-Grave Stew? Mao is refusing
to give away the recipe to international investigators, and even the staff
are unsure as to where he gets his ingredients.
One nice feature of Maos is Papa Duck, a man in a duck outfit who
keeps the kids amused while you toil fruitlessly over your dinner. The
service is free, but dont expect to see your children alive again.
The Stalin Burger (with Red Sauce) will suit those with more conventional
tastes, and refreshingly, comes with a side order of Goebbels frites,
char-grilled in an oven until unrecognisable. Genghis, Khant
you taste the difference between a Hitler steak cooked in a gas oven and
one done in a conventional oven, you idiot?", shouts Mao at one of
his hundreds of sous-chefs. "You are a shame to the peoples
revolution! And were running out of chicken balls. Take him away!
traditional peasant stew is made from peasants humanely overworked in
a paddy field in Northern China until they drop dead of exhaustion. Its
the secret to its revolutionary edge, explains Mao.
Number of kitschy restaurants named after a mass-murdering despot in Dublin:
Cost of the Communist Revolution in human life: 6m, give or take.
1X 16oz Hitler steak: £15:50
2X Stalin Burgers: £20.70
1X Ho Chi Lamb: £13.99
2X sides of Goebbels frites: £6.00
3X bottles plum wine: £30.00
Total: p*** off! I never drank that bottle of Pernod, you little maggot.
I could have your job you know!
week: Hindley and Bradys on Baggot Street Where kids