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Bono crouches and points... Proposed demolition of Milo O'Shea's eyebrows protested... and more in News in Brief

Opinion: I don't know what to wear to this anti-globalisation march


Bono crouches and points
As part of an ongoing effort to promote his band's new single 'Elevation', U2 singer Bono (left) today crouched and pointed at various film and photo cameras. Dressed like a stupid pimp in a black leather jump-suit and expensive sun-glasses, the 45 year-old then opened his mouth wide and tilted his head back. Observers remained puzzled as to the meaning of Mr. Vox's actions, but noted that it was a continuation of the crouching, pointing and head-tilting that marked the video for 'Elevation', in which Bono also simulated being 'blown away' by the power of his own music.

As usual, the other band members stood slightly behind Bono, looking slightly embarrassed (see right).

Proposed demolition of Milo O'Shea's eyebrows protested
Government plans to allow actor Milo O'Shea's eyebrows (left) be destroyed once their owner has died have been denounced by the country's artistic and cultural community, who have described the hirsute brows as 'a national treasure'. A spokesman for An Taisce said, "The O'Shea eyebrows must be returned to their native Ireland and afforded their due recognition. They are a national treasure, having provided this country with entertainment and valuable tourist revenue for generations". Irish Times culture critic Aidan Dunne described in an open letter to the Seanad how the "lush, hairy promontories vibrate querulously or vault upwards in mock indignation. They embody youthful exuberance combined with the wisdom of age. More essential now than ever before, O'Shea's eyebrows speak to a deeper identity within us, bidding us pause, posing the oldest question".

And finally...
Cows 'allowed remarry' in Austria. The Prime Minister described the nation's bovine community as "at least as much a citizen as you or I, if not more so" ...
Thousands gather to see sun appear over Offaly. The first 'totality' in the county for thousands of years attracted scientists and local bumpkins to a small field which was briefly illuminated by what ancient texts describe as 'warm light'. Then it started to rain again ... 30,000 dead in Peruvian bus-crash. The unlucky Andeans perished after the petrol-filled bus careered into a football stadium full of orphans attending a blind-puppy-petting fair. The bus crashed into a firework display or something, causing a massive explosion captured by TV cameras and emailed around the world by chuckling workers...New Product Launched. TD Liam Lawlor (no fixed address) has been celebrated in soap by the makers of a brand new cleansing product




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