sets out demands for labour
opposing Valentine's Day "sad, hairy virgins"
supplies to be carbonated by 2004 - FG
confusion at "recent events" speech
Hotel guests claim false advertising
cooking vith zelebrity KP, Gustavo
Surgery For All
That homeless guy was really cute
guru appalled by Harney flight
chip-pan fails to catch fire
looms in the Wesht
blamed for Ulster outrages
army intercepts Bray teenager
government report: men and women are different
new government report released today and commissioned by Sile De Valera,
has revealed startling new evidence for the differences between men and
women. The report, a 512 page document, was compiled and researched by
a team of the nation's top stand-up comedians and doctors, after demonstrating
various physical differences between men and women goes on to expose amazing
new differences between the sexes.
men and women vary in their interest in football greatly and many women
remain unaware of the exact nature of the offside rule. However, such
deficiencies do not only lie with women; men have been revealed to be
incapable of tying a towel around their heads after showering, an idea
introduced to the gender research community by comedian Jason Byrne on
his widely-lauded scientific weekly, The Jason Byrne Show.
report goes on to cite over 650 drastic differences between the sexes,
- Men look better smoking old-style pipes
- Women find it hard to sit still on buses
- Men's brains are similar but different to females'
- Men and women tend to have different physiology, though this is neither
a universal, hard-and-fast rule nor a completely made up one. Rather,
it's somewhere in the 'middle', as opposed to the 'centre', where you
would find Elijah Wood.
- Men are more likely to leave the toilet seat up
- Women have a second brain which they carry around in their bags.
- Men have a second brain but are always leaving theirs just lying around
where anyone could pick it up and start thinking with it.
- Women take approximately 10 times longer to prepare for an evening out.
- Men are more likely to be Woody Allen or Simon Barnes, though this is
still pretty unlikely. For women, the same goes for Gertrude Stein and
Queen Boadicea, only not so much.
similar report carried out in America cited many similar
differences, but concluded that men were more likely to be "no good,
lyin', cheatin' sons-of-bitches', while it was concluded that women were
more apt to argue over "small shit." The same document, taken
over a sample of 2,300 white and African-American people concluded that
white people are prone to drive in a hunched manner, while black
people are more relaxed at the wheel.
scientific community is split over the Irish report, some citing its thorough
sampling of all the sexes, while others maintain that it offers no conclusions
based on the evidence amassed, ending as it does with the words "What's
up wit' that?"