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Government pledges unaffordable housing Nice: One more time, with feeling Spyware confirms Spyware company's suspicions Saddam
ready to inspect US weapons An interview with George Best's liver
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Evil Gerald Exclusive!
The
film will also star:
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WITH
the success of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, director
Peter Jackson now has the clout and the cash to hire some big-time bankable
names for its follow-up, The Two Towers. And Irish fans will be delighted
by some of the new additions. GONE are the handsome, plucky nobodies
of the first installment. IN are a host of familiar faces who
will thrill audiences this Christmas.
Sultry
sizzler Galadriel (pronounced GA-LAH-DAH-HR-EE-ELL) will now
be played by Friends star Lisa Kudrow. FILM INSIDERS admitted
that Cate Blanchett just wasn't "classy enough" to play the
interfering elf in The Two Towers. "This is a much more subtle
role, there are no green-faced spazz-outs or talking like Lauryn Hill.
It requires the work of a more nuanced, well-rounded actress - or Lisa
Kudrow, whichever is cheaper."
The
Justin Timberlake of Middle Earth, originally slated to be played by
Justin Timberlake, will now be portrayed by noted character actor Jason
Mewes. Timberlake ruled himself out last year due to crippling singing
commitments. At the time, the disappointed singer said he was "booked
solid to sing for the whole year - what a shame, this project would
have been great. I love Terry Pratchett and it would be awesome to work
with George Lucas again." Instead, Mewes, who reads the books EVERY
YEAR, at least, is sure to be the breakout star of The Lord of the
Rings: The Two Towers.
OUT
- Lil 'Lijah Wood has been axed - not by some grief-crazed dwarf but
by THE PRODUCERS who now want to beef up the lead role and bring
it some gravitas by hiring a serious actor. Stand up, David Hasselhoff.
The gregarious German says he's delighted with his performance, having
added two new expressions to Frodo's face. Look out for "Angry"
and "Sexy" Frodo, in addition to last year's staples, "Worried"
and "Confused" Frodo.
The
tragic and untimely death of the hell-raising veteran actor Ian McKellen
left THE DIRECTOR with the most difficult dilemma of his life
ever: Should he keep Gandalf safely killed off, or bring him back to
life in a STUPID and ILLOGICAL plot twist that would cost
AUS$278m (EUR7bn) to realise? Lally accepted the dream role with his
trademark expression of good natured bemusement; "Well, holy fuck.
Get off my land."
Aragorn
("Strider"), formerly played by creepy nobody Viggo Mortensen,
will now be played by handsome Irish wannabe Stuart Townsend. Townsend,
a young Irish actor with black hair, not Colin Farrell but A BIT
like him, is thrilled. "Once Colin Farrell gets fat and aggressive
like Russell Crowe, I will be the new young Irish Colin Farrell actor
$5m up-and-coming Hollywood sex addict." When asked if he thought
some commentators were worried by his inexperience and lack of acting
ability, he replied "not nearly worried enough."
