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Rock band U2, performing at just one of the many
concerts for which tickets would now have been
more expensive had they been bought in the future

People who like to buy tickets for gigs were struck yesterday with some bad news in the shape of the announcement that ticket retailer, booker and handler Ticketmaster intended to introduce lots of new charges to compensate them for the expenses incurred in doing their jobs.

CEO Tim Bryant said "If customers don't like it I suppose they can buy their tickets through someone apart from Ticketmaster. Actually no, I'm just kidding, they can't. We are a monopoly, after all. It's great isn't it?"

He added, more seriously, that if you don't like it you can go dangle as far as he's concerned.

Ticketmaster's new charges include:
-Ticket printing charge
-Staff talking on the phone charge
-Staff wage-paying charge
-Building-building charge
-Breathing our air charge
-Fee-charging charge
-Newer, larger 'handling charge'

The new handling charge is to phased out over the next year, to be replaced by a phasing-out charge.

Bryant said in a big press release that he eventually wanted to cover all Ticketmaster expenses with charges, thus converting the company into a 100% profitable business

The Evil Gerald thinks this is an absolute scandal, what with the U2 tickets and all. Fortunately, though, we've all got tickets to Slane as we bought them about a week before they went on sale using a special Internet. Oh yeah, we also asked Bono for comment on all this but he just started going on about rock 'n' roll and how St. Patrick wouldn't get into U2 if he was alive today.


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