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Who
will be the next editor of The Irish Times?
My
friends at Jack Daniels
AOL
chick won't leave me alone
Saddam's
Secret Army
Enda
Kenny's n** ra*****
FCUK
- still funny
9-11-2001
is "so last year" say Iraqis
Dear
Geraldine
Dubs:
Sure, it's only a game of football
Editorial:
You are Outraged!
Howlin:
I'm not interesting
News
in Brief: Livingstone livid, Switzerland Swots; Soham Police appeal for
hysteria
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New
Irish Times Editor
Who will it be?
The Evil Gerald previews four of the seventy candidates
 Kevin
Myers
If the ability to use clever puns, the tenacity to peddle sub-Mylesian
wit and a big, fat rugby chin are qualities required of the new editor,
then Kevin Myers might just be called back for a second interview. With
all the charm of a saucy lieutenant-major after a few sherries, Myers
has been the voice of the smug middle-aged for well over a decade, with
no sign of stopping within our lifetimes.
Likely changes: Creation of Irish Times super-army to do battle
with the people he hates most - the readers.
 John
Waters
Fêted among colleagues for his forthright views, this unmarried
father with a daughter is unyielding in his at-times-rabid support for
unmarried fathers with daughters. (Well, middle-class ones anyway. Not
the ones that are poor and have little 'taches.) High on his list of likes
are the Catholic Church, unmarried fathers, daughters and beards. This
is one man who will not jeopardise his career as editor by knocking up
some faded 80's rock chick in a bizarre coupling as comic as it is tragic.
Nope, lesson learned there alright.
Likely changes: Editorials to include "Sure, it's grand once
you get used to it" and later, "Resistance is futile".
 Fintan
O'Toole
A curly-haired, buck-toothed northsider and connoisseur of the New York
theatre scene, Fintan O'Toole is everything that you and I are not. As
editor, his articles and commissions will be borne of a co-mingling of
philosophy, conviction and clear-eyed pragmatism that his Ma recently
described as "almost unique". Everyone else will secretly rage
at how right-on he is as usual, the smug prick, I suppose he thinks he
invented Ireland.
Likely changes: You will feel guilty for not reading the boring
political articles.
 Kathryn
Holmquist
No job is too big for this super-mom. Simultaneous champion of stay-at-home
and go-to-work mothers, heroic Holmquist types her lengthy sermons about
hectic work schedules from the comfort of her own home. With unflinching
attention to children throughout all of life's vagaries, she leaves you
in no doubt that your world revolves around your kids. And if you don't
have any, hers.
Likely changes: New supplement, Typing with a Glass of Chardonnay,
to be published every Tuesday.
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