Who will be the next editor of The Irish Times?

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New Irish Times Editor
Who will it be?
The Evil Gerald previews four of the seventy candidates

Kevin Myers
If the ability to use clever puns, the tenacity to peddle sub-Mylesian wit and a big, fat rugby chin are qualities required of the new editor, then Kevin Myers might just be called back for a second interview. With all the charm of a saucy lieutenant-major after a few sherries, Myers has been the voice of the smug middle-aged for well over a decade, with no sign of stopping within our lifetimes.
Likely changes: Creation of Irish Times super-army to do battle with the people he hates most - the readers.

John Waters
Fêted among colleagues for his forthright views, this unmarried father with a daughter is unyielding in his at-times-rabid support for unmarried fathers with daughters. (Well, middle-class ones anyway. Not the ones that are poor and have little 'taches.) High on his list of likes are the Catholic Church, unmarried fathers, daughters and beards. This is one man who will not jeopardise his career as editor by knocking up some faded 80's rock chick in a bizarre coupling as comic as it is tragic. Nope, lesson learned there alright.
Likely changes: Editorials to include "Sure, it's grand once you get used to it" and later, "Resistance is futile".

Fintan O'Toole
A curly-haired, buck-toothed northsider and connoisseur of the New York theatre scene, Fintan O'Toole is everything that you and I are not. As editor, his articles and commissions will be borne of a co-mingling of philosophy, conviction and clear-eyed pragmatism that his Ma recently described as "almost unique". Everyone else will secretly rage at how right-on he is as usual, the smug prick, I suppose he thinks he invented Ireland.
Likely changes: You will feel guilty for not reading the boring political articles.

Kathryn Holmquist
No job is too big for this super-mom. Simultaneous champion of stay-at-home and go-to-work mothers, heroic Holmquist types her lengthy sermons about hectic work schedules from the comfort of her own home. With unflinching attention to children throughout all of life's vagaries, she leaves you in no doubt that your world revolves around your kids. And if you don't have any, hers.
Likely changes: New supplement, Typing with a Glass of Chardonnay, to be published every Tuesday.




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