Who will be the next editor of The Irish Times?

My friends at Jack Daniels

AOL chick won't leave me alone

Saddam's Secret Army

Enda Kenny's n** ra*****

FCUK - still funny

9-11-2001 is "so last year" say Iraqis

Dear Geraldine

Dubs: Sure, it's only a game of football

Editorial: You are Outraged!

Howlin: I'm not interesting

News in Brief: Livingstone livid, Switzerland Swots; Soham Police appeal for hysteria


That AOL chick just won't go away
Jack Stevens

Ever since I got that connection to AOL there has been a strange woman in my house. It wouldn't be so bad, only now her constantly changing "screen dress" is giving my wife epilepsy.

She just hangs around in the corner, looking at you, and when you're in bed she says things like "The last position you tried was the missionary position, would you like suggestions of other possibilities?" If I go to the shop she hovers over me and tells me that if I like milk, I may also like new Choco-milk. Not only that, but she hangs over you when you're trying to type something, suggesting corrections, most of which are just stupid.

You can't raise kids around her either; she says she's been personalised for you, but all day all her dress shows are pictures of porn. And when you're not there she signs you up for loads of crap, so you get tonnes of junk mail every day.

The trouble is she doesn't have an off switch, and I can't put her in sleep mode - there's no control+alt+delete. I think I need to bash her head in before she mates with my son and creates an ever multiplying race of annoying computer gimmicks.




    Back issues     Breaking news     Story archives     About