September 11th "so last year" - Iraq
Iraqi foreign minister, Tariq Aziz, last night confirmed to The Evil Gerald that his country would not be backing a US-led war with itself. "We'd be the laughing stock of the Arab world," he said. "September 11th is so 2001. Nobody would be seen dead carrying out that kind of Twin Tower attack again. I really can't see myself or Saddam wearing anything America does for quite a few seasons to come."
And while in the US of A this year's fashion is coming firmly down on the side of vibrant war-shaped lines and provocative colourful lanugage with promises of evidence, but short on any kind of detail, the Iraqis have an altogether different outlook on things. "America now is only experincing the trends that we in the Middle East have been going through for years. We had our fill of wanton bombing and rape of civilians back in the US-sponsored war with Iran. Well, almost. Looking back, that was just so 80s, man. I mean, just look at the size of those casualties!"
And the foreign minister was adamant that there would be no return to the kind of scenes that saw Iraqi soldiers flock to the small oil state of Kuwait in search of fashion bargains at affordable prices. "No way, baby," he told the Gerald, puffing on a menthol cigarillo, "If we stepped back into the kind of shoes we wearing back then the whole region could be destabilised. Groovy!"